I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
