I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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