she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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