Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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