i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
