I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
