I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
