the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
