Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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