I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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