Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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