you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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