he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
