dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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