My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
