I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
