I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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