yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
