Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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