yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just pee around me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
