I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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