somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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