And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
