I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Randomize
