Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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