Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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