I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
