Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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