Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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