you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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