I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
