I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
