You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
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