My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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