In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
