I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
