she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
