Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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