My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize