I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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