Hey man sorry I got all grabby
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
