So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
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Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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