This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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