she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
