roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
