oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
