so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
