just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
