oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
