But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
