non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
