Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
ugly people sure do ruin things
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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