shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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