sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
