just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I have fence marks all over my body
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
