using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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