sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
