we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
