She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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