Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
