I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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