this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
