is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
