can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
