don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
