If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize