I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
