I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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