A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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