Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
