Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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