he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
