NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
