the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
