by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
