We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
