I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
