Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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