So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
