Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
