never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
