She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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