I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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