It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
